i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
