sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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