omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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