He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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