My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize