i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
