FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
