Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
