woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
