I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
