this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
