She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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