my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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