What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
