Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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