rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
