legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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