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dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
