Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
