Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
pop tarts are not kleenex
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
