dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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