I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
