Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
