So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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