ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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