If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i think i just lost a toe
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
