he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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