U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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