apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
