Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
