at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
