after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
