At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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