hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
