Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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