My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
