I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
