So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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