Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
