Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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