hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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