Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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