I puked a lego.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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