Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
