My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing