I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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