I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
