i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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