I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
