I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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