yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
