i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
