Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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