I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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