oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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