drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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