I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
